Grunger For Life!

Thoughts on Personal Style and Growing up 'Alternative'

I’ve been wanting to discuss this notion of personal style for a while now, with many adding their two cents it seems silly to add in mine, but it feels like a subject that I’ve always found confusing. In all honesty, I just don’t get it. “What’s the big deal?” or “It’s not that deep!?” are my automatic responses to the current popular questions around the idea of personal style.

This subject is obviously not so much about second hand clothing so bare with me, but i do believe it does tie-in in some ways, with second hand shopping allowing a more individual and ‘you’ outcome.

So, after seeing one too many ‘whats my personal style’ videos, I lashed out, as one does, on Instagram and received a barrage of support, one conversation I had about the subject really resonated and got me thinking about why I’ve always never given dressing or what I like a second-thought. The conversation ended with us agreeing that growing up alternative, or as a grunger, had a really positive effect on our confidence around clothing and just wearing whatever you like. It also highlighted that it must be a really horrible feeling to not know what it is that you like!?

I would like to caveat this and state I don’t always feel nice in what I’m wearing and there are absolutely times that I’ll look back and cringe at an outfit but for the most part, I find dressing to be uncomplicated and not that big a deal.

Firstly, one thing you must know about me is that I am a proud grown up grunger. I love little baby grunger me and I am always so proud of the absolute no-fucks that I gave growing up. I wore what I wanted, knew what I liked and got a whole bunch of flack from ‘outsiders’ throughout my teens for doing so. This stage in my life, I believe, really cemented the frame-work for my current self and who I am today. I like a lot of the same things and there are many areas of alternative culture that still resonate and influence me now.

If we were to reflect on dress and fashion theory in general we could discuss the fact that dress/clothing projects to the world who we are, our interests or values; it is a social and cultural indicator. So the fact that so many are seemingly struggling with their identity and who they want to project to the world is a troublesome thing. I cannot fathom growing up a teenager with the internet in the palm of my hand, I fear baby grunger me would of lead a very different existence. The idea that you would be bombarded with what you should and shouldn’t be wearing, judgements, constant micro-trends and the general overwhelm of information would have been too much for my hormonal angsty self and is even too much as a fully fledged adult.

The beauty of growing up without the internet, or at least it only being on the family computer and only accessible after dinner, is that I was able to flex and form my own opinion. I really had to search for what it is I liked - whether that was music, clothing, movies or art; it was all found through my own hard-work, or through friends, their siblings or the musicians, artists or films we loved. I was able to figure all of this out without the pressure of appearing a certain way on the internet or being constantly influenced by outside sources. However, it’s worth noting, there would of always been some form of influence but it felt like more of a natural exploration and a way more innocent way of conjuring your own identity: For example, you see someone in an awesome outfit on the street or at a show and you would merge elements of that alongside other influences to create something that was you.

As well as the influences, growing up alternative absolutely shaped my confidence. It’s a tricky thing to explain, because I do care about what I wear, I like to feel nice, I also acknowledge and enjoy certain trends, but I don’t overthink it in the way that, I think, other people do? This isn’t for me to sound big headed or anything like that, believe me when I say there are other forms of confidence that I lack in, but when it comes to getting dressed- I just don’t give it a second-thought? I know what I like and I want to wear it. If it’s not a part of a current trend or particularly ‘fashionable’, I just.don’t.care. There will be other elements at play that I maybe want to project to the outside world beyond appearing in Vogue, these other references or influences are at the forefront of what I want to communicate- wether that be a simple band t-shirt or a reference to a movie character I love. I want my clothing to project to my people and I do that by deciding I’m going to reference, for example, Enid from Ghost World for the day. Those people that know will get it… and those that don’t, simply don’t! Or in other words, some will like the way I dress and others will not- and I’m fine with that.

I had a revelation the other day when I saw the work or Catherine Balet, a dedicated and comprehensive study of teenagers in the early 2000’s that I think really epitomises what I’m discussing in this piece (if you don’t know what a grunger/mosher is her work is a great introduction).

The images are beautiful and massively nostalgic to me, but the main image that stuck out to me was the bags; I had recently been wondering where my love for adornment had come from, with the big trend around ‘birkin-a-fying’ (or whatever the word is!?) your bag I was aware that wasn’t why I had been adding stuff to my bags for years. Why couldn’t I just have a nice plain bag? Well the above image, beautifully captured by Catherine Balet, supplied me with a Eureka moment- I’ve been doing this since I was 12. Patches, badges, keyrings, they were all added in abundance to my school bag, a way to project my true self whilst being stifled by the dreaded school uniform. My bag was the only way I could let everyone know who I really was and what I liked and even now my taste for adorning accessories is present. My bags are an undoubted indication that everything I like, even now, has been amassed throughout growing up and is all thanks to that tiny gothy grunger.

These images are a mix of outfits from the mid-2000s up until only last week, a real mixing pot of how I like to wear my clothes over the years. From the more literal take on vintage and vintage dressing to running shoes, acid-wash denim and camo; none of these outfits are particularly fashionable or trendy but all have elements or a nod to baby grunger me. I would hope that she would see my outfits on the street and want to take elements of it for herself and maybe with hindsight that is who I’m dressing for?

To finish, as I’m sure I could waffle on about this for days, is that I think the core element is that I was fortunate enough to have had these formative years away from the internet and for that I feel so fortunate. Personal style isn’t something that is bought from the shop, or that you can click your fingers and it magically appears, it isn’t something some influencer can sell you; it is years of discovering elements of yourself and the things that really bring you joy, wether that’s clothing, music or art. It’s about forming your own identity and opinions and feeling confident in them…it also just helps if you were a very cool teenager! ha.

I am so proud of my younger self for thinking ‘fuck it’ and listening to that Slipknot CD.

I hope you liked this and I would love to hear from any grown up grungers!